So I spent today working on my thesis proposal, revising and cutting it to meet the criteria for the scholarship I’m applying for. (Still don’t know if I’m eligible given certain administrative issues, but am applying anyway) (NOT eligible, ed.). It feels like I didn’t just take nearly 5 weeks off, not including a slight case of The Lego Flu, which sidelined me for over a week upon my return to Not There. I just had a hot bath and a glass of wine and some muscle relaxants. That’s health food, in some circles (fruits, if nothing else). I’m trying to have it mostly done by tomorrow mid day for my referee, but have until Monday at 4. It took me a long time to actually re-read what I’d written at the end of April. Squirming doesn’t begin to describe what I did for an hour and a half. I fidgeted, fussed, and, as Mother taught me to say, fiddle-farted around until I had to speak sharply to myself and say “Hey, Self, just read the damn thing: no one else is going to do it for you!”

I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to the next two years.

Had a terrible night last night, first time in ages I’ve had nightmares. Maybe I was too hot, I don’t know, but it was the recurring serial killer theme with the added benefit of urban guerilla warfare. I listened to a scary radio show while falling asleep and wonder in hindsight if that wasn’t a mistake. Also my backside was throbbing from restorative yoga. I think I strained a cheek while relaxing.

I continue to wonder if I’ve landed in someone else’s life, and I wonder how it’s all going to turn out. You know I sneak a peek at the end of every novel I read and it’s killing me that I can’t do that now…

That’s it in a nutshell.

Of course it follows that dry, exploding elastic bands mean dry, exploding nostrils, high voltage static shocks, peeling facial features, gravel pit eyeballs, 2 a.m. itchfests, constant thirst, chronic sinusitis and weird hair.

It’s the exploding nostrils that upset us.

Fine Corinthian Leather: It has to be said.

As a comic in all seriousness, I say we should consider and give thanks to the many late Friday nights spent half asleep on someone else’s couch, babysitting; hoping the dog wouldn’t pee on the carpet again/eating all the chips/looking for trashy novels in the basement, while the neighbour went to the Curling Club for a bonspiel. We watched FANtasy ISland, praying for the clock to speed up slow down and a hefty tip. We walked home across the Cul-de-sac, scrunching the snow in a well-below-zero winter night. Or some father  delivered us home, moving politely through a silent, dry world to a silent, dry house.

We knew that a 13-year old babysitting the neighbours didn’t count for going out  and we knew we weren’t ready for bed. We were disappointed to find home exactly as we’d left it: there was nothing to sink the teeth into. So, we prolonged whatever proto-adult feeling babysitting fostered as we shivered our way to a bedroom and then burrowed into a cold, dry bed, listening to AM radio as sleep moved in. 

The next morning was tight and off kilter because we were so tired (we will remember this feeling forever). But we had made some small space that was just for us.

 R.I.P., Ricardo Montalban.

This is my grandfather, working in his barbershop, April 23, 1949. He died before I was born, but this Christmas, I got to see him for the first time.

[Stars of the Town is a collection of film footage of Southwestern Ontario Towns made by the Rev. Leroy Massecar between 1946 and 1949. It is part of the J.J. Talman Regional Collection at the University of Western Ontario. ]

It’s been a heckuva semester. I’ll post some pics of what I’ve been up to, including, but not limited to: Cantilever (I am famous for Cantilever), Self Portrait you all know, Book, and most recently, Not Just Water. Not Just Water was our final studio project, a group effort that has actually restored my faith in this program, if not humanity. I had a fabulous team to work with and realized that this is why I decided heading back to school was worth it. It was a challenging but rewarding process, over three and a half weeks, that confirmed that I enjoy collaborative and creative work –it makes me tick!

This is why I feared ending up a policy wonk, which I would have been good at, yes, but I’d never have known if I could do all the things I learned to do this fall.  And there is little use for visual creativity in government. Only half of me would have been engaged (little to no poetry in government). I might go back there some day, but now I feel confident, competent and curious to try something else. We’ll see. 

So. It’s now been a long day. We are having a storm situation here and it’s supposed to be -400C tomorrow. I am absurdly excited by snow, cold, and snow and cold together. It’s an ideal context for Cosy Sweater. I will say that I got all my errands done today so I can relax, tidy up and get ready for Elf Appreciation Night tomorrow and not have to go outside. 

Yay!